Overheard on the Bus

Last week I left work early one day and there were different people on the bus than usual. Among them were two Christian missionary-type guys (the ones who wear suits, even in the summer, and go door to door trying to convert you) and one black guy who looked to be either homeless or very down on his luck. The black guy was chatting with one of the missionaries while the other one looked on. I pretended to be reading but was really eavesdropping on their conversation, and it got to the point where I had to start writing things down because it was too good to let go. It got to be too much and I found myself laughing out loud and catching the eye of the second missionary, who laughed right along with me. Here, some snippets of their conversation that I observed:

Black Guy (BG): “You know who’s running this show? Satan. This is Satan Planet.”

BG: “I’m gonna tell you something. Satan’s got a lot of sons walking this earth. But I know I’m God’s son. I love the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees.”

BG: “I weep (he meant reap) what I sow. If I go out there and do something God doesn’t like, Satan doesn’t care.”

BG: “Lemme ask you something - what’s God’s name?”
Missionary guy: “I don’t know.”
BG: “Shee-it. You preach the word of God and you don’t even know his NAME? And guess what his favorite color is. BLACK.”

BG: “Do you love dat nigga (Jesus)? You respect that nigga? Well alright ‘den.”

And my personal favorite:
BG: “Have you ever seen a wicked spirit walking around?”
Missionary guy: “No.”
BG: “Then you ain’t no God-loving man. And guess what - I’m an angel. You can quote me on that.” [Taps his left and right shoulders.] “My left side and my right side? They's itching. I feel my wings growing.”


Halle-frickin'-lujah. I wonder if he got his wings when I dinged the bell to get off.